binary_sunset | Bluebell: Constancy and Grattitude

Another ficlet! I don’t know why the prompt made me think of Dean Winchester, but it did put me on a Supernatural kick for a few days lol.

Title: Bluebell
Fandom: Supernatural
Ship: N/A
Rating: Teen & Up
Content Warnings: Implied/Referenced Canon Character Death
Other Tags: Post-Season 4 Episode 1
Length: 320 words
Summary: Dean Winchester, on whether or not he deserved to be saved.

Dean knew he wasn’t worthy of being saved. Not after what he’d done in Hell.
It wasn’t that he’d sold his soul to end up in The Pit. Hell, he’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant Sammy was okay. He’d made peace with that part of the deal as soon as it was sealed. And even as he was being literally flayed alive, he couldn’t regret the decision.
When he’d been offered the knife, given the opportunity to torture other souls, he’d taken it without question. Things in Hell hadn’t felt real, not that the way being alive had. Hell was a horrific landscape, where pain and misery were more heightened and any sense of hope or joy felt empty. A waking nightmare.
And when your sleep paralysis demon offers to give you the knife, well, you don’t question it. Or at least Dean hadn’t. He knew there was probably a caveat, but at that point he was so broken that he couldn’t give a shit.
And that man, the man who’d given up everything he’d ever stood for in exchange for power and control, was the one God chose to save? To send an angel to save?
Good men don’t do what Dean did. He knew something must have been going on. And the idea that he and his brother were going to be jerked around by some mysterious cosmic force was cold comfort.
And it’s not like he could tell anyone. Cas probably already knew what Dean did and would shrug it off as God’s will. Bobby would say he was in Hell, so it didn’t matter. And Sam?
Sam would never look at him the same way again.
And maybe Dean could live with the burden of what he’d done. He could endure the horror of being God’s favourite plaything.
But disappointing Sam? That would be the one thing he could never live with.